L & O: JW
Today has been a relatively interesting day. It all began when I walked into school and had a chat with my principal about a new student of mine. My cell went off the familiar ringtone of Kanye's Workout Plan and I realized by brother was calling. I answered the phone and my brother Rob says "Umm, are you at work? We need you to go down to the Auto Body Shop. Some thing has happened with your car..." I was actually hoping it was stolen so I could get my new X3, but much to my chagrin there were only body shop complications. My car has been dented and beat up since that wild night with Chalex on December 28th (Oh dear... I know what you did last summer. ) After weeks of driving around the tri-state area looking like WT, it finally went in the shop to get fixed on Monday.
So, I drive to the auto body shop (fighting the urge to go back into Dunkin Donuts and get a second cup of coffee in a matter of 30 minutes- but I didn't want the little man-ager to be on to me and say "Come again, mami..." to which I would have had to reply "You want me to come again? This is my second time in this joint this hour of the morning! If I come again you need to call Narcotics Anonymous because that is addiction, brother." I refrained from the second cup, btw. You can hold your applause- I am internally proud and don't require extra motivation.) I drive up to the auto body shop where the fuzz are waiting for me. Of course, in my jaded sense of reality, I develop my story on the way there of how I could have never stolen the cars because I was home last night watching Scrubs (duh...) and my parents will vouch as my alibis (BECAUSE I AM OFFICIALLY CRAZY AND I CLEARLY AM OVERLOADED BY L&O EPISODES...who thinks this way?!?!)I walk up to the open-windowed cop car and he asks me "You must be the owner of the Ford Mustang..." He proceeds to tell me that my car was not broken into and that they didn't want anything in my car. I mean really- I know it's beat up, but they didn't want anything in my car? Not even my Jessica Simpson Christmas cd? My 2001 Sony Sports walkman that skips even new cds?Nothing??? ("You want a pizza- wit NOTHING???") Frankly, these theives don't know what a treasure trove the old mustang is. Petty thief fools...Or would this crime be considered "grand theft auto?"
The policeman tells me that they tried to steal the other car, not mine (slap in the face.) Last night someone broke into the auto body shop, stole my license plates, and, in an attempt to heist an old lady Chrysler Sebring convertible, they took my license plates and put them on the other car. At the moment my car has to stay put because it is PART OF A CRIME SCENE. Can you believe that? He even said "We can't move the cars because we have to dust them for prints!!!" To which I replied by accident "Cool..." I am such a nerd. I returned to school to find the crazy crossing guard outside my school screaming "Wow Joy, you're awfully late today" I didn't reply. I just kind of laughed to myself and walked in the building.
Another day, another crime scene. I still think it's effin cool.
Update- I just ripped my skirt up the slit in the back to a borderline indecent length and Patty deemed me "Little Miss Funny Story."
So, I drive to the auto body shop (fighting the urge to go back into Dunkin Donuts and get a second cup of coffee in a matter of 30 minutes- but I didn't want the little man-ager to be on to me and say "Come again, mami..." to which I would have had to reply "You want me to come again? This is my second time in this joint this hour of the morning! If I come again you need to call Narcotics Anonymous because that is addiction, brother." I refrained from the second cup, btw. You can hold your applause- I am internally proud and don't require extra motivation.) I drive up to the auto body shop where the fuzz are waiting for me. Of course, in my jaded sense of reality, I develop my story on the way there of how I could have never stolen the cars because I was home last night watching Scrubs (duh...) and my parents will vouch as my alibis (BECAUSE I AM OFFICIALLY CRAZY AND I CLEARLY AM OVERLOADED BY L&O EPISODES...who thinks this way?!?!)I walk up to the open-windowed cop car and he asks me "You must be the owner of the Ford Mustang..." He proceeds to tell me that my car was not broken into and that they didn't want anything in my car. I mean really- I know it's beat up, but they didn't want anything in my car? Not even my Jessica Simpson Christmas cd? My 2001 Sony Sports walkman that skips even new cds?Nothing??? ("You want a pizza- wit NOTHING???") Frankly, these theives don't know what a treasure trove the old mustang is. Petty thief fools...Or would this crime be considered "grand theft auto?"
The policeman tells me that they tried to steal the other car, not mine (slap in the face.) Last night someone broke into the auto body shop, stole my license plates, and, in an attempt to heist an old lady Chrysler Sebring convertible, they took my license plates and put them on the other car. At the moment my car has to stay put because it is PART OF A CRIME SCENE. Can you believe that? He even said "We can't move the cars because we have to dust them for prints!!!" To which I replied by accident "Cool..." I am such a nerd. I returned to school to find the crazy crossing guard outside my school screaming "Wow Joy, you're awfully late today" I didn't reply. I just kind of laughed to myself and walked in the building.
Another day, another crime scene. I still think it's effin cool.
Update- I just ripped my skirt up the slit in the back to a borderline indecent length and Patty deemed me "Little Miss Funny Story."
posted by j-digs at 2:05 PM
1 Comments:
Miss Wickersheim ( I lower my head to make sure we're making eye contact, it always makes the accused feel like garbage when I do that. It's like: "Look me in the EYE when you lie to me! I like it!"). You know you broke into that auto-body shop. You did it because you wanted the sebring convertible. (Fiddling with my fingers the way a cat plays with a ball of string). You needed to feel like an adult. That sporty mustang of yours was, as you say "WT" You didn't want to be "WT"! (My head now cocked to the side, My poodle-like assistant standing behind me). There's still a chance you can get the car out of the lock up. If you confess right now and testify against the nefarious "Pappi Sanchez" (the Dunkin' Donuts Druglord involved in the clown killing spree.)Otherwise, I suppose your lease will run out before you get out of JAIL. THINK about the mustang Joy! We're really good at connecting the DOTS!!
THANK YOU! COME AGAIN!! BEEP BEEP!
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