These Are a Few of My Least Favorite Things...
I have a big problem with the radio station Z100. Actually, I have a big problem with the Programming Department of the Z-Morning Zoo Institution. The problem lies in the Shakira Song "Hips Don't Lie." Initially I enjoyed the song. I like the part when that scratchy voiced Ghetto Superstar sings "Senorita, feel the conga, let me see you move like you come from Colombia."
I am as big a fan of feelin' the conga as the next girl and I am sure after a few Tangueray and Tonics I felt like I could move like I came from Colombia, but Z100 is ruining this song for me. Why, you may ask? What could possibly ruin a song that has an accordion in the background? It's the fact that everyday single day for the past 2 weeks I wake up at 6:10 am and without fail this song is playing. Without fail! Do you know what it's like to wake up to the same song every single day? It really fucks with you. You feel like you never slept. It tears at your essential existence. I don't even know what day it is anymore! I'm so screwed up I've been drinking on school nights, passing up going to the gym to go out, and drinking Mojitos at Latin American restaurants! (Shakira's subliminal messages? Perhaps...)OMG, am I now normal?
So thank you Z100. Thank you for creating my own personal "Groundhog Day." Pretty soon I'm going to start asking people random questions to set up scenarios for the next day. That song "This is a thing called polka..." will become the soundtrack of my life. The real problem will be that I am not really in Punxstawney, PA and things aren't going to be exactly the same tomorrow, and yet I will inevitably wake up to "Shakira, Shakira..." Damn you, Z100!
Speaking of things that are driving me crazy, I now officially hate Mandy Moore.
At first I thought she was just a horribly awkward pop princess who would wither away or go "Britney" on us. No, Mandy, not you. You had to stick around and come up with catchy tunes like "Nothing but pennies in my pocket. Nothing but faith to keep me warm..." which I actually liked!!! Gasp!!! You make sappy movies where you are the President's daughter, or worse yet, you are an ill high schooler who sings in the church choir and everyone is soooo mean to you!!! Wah wah wah. And you successfully went from blond to brown to reddish and everyone still things your just so cute. The fact that you would play my Best Friend Ali in the movie of her life is your only redeeming quality. In the words of Emma M., "I hate you. I hate you. And I really don't like you." This hatred towards you, Mandy, stems from my love of your boyfriend, and my favorite TV doctor, Zach Braff.
As most of you know, Scrubs is my favorite show. I loathed the Scrubs episodes "Her Story II" and "My Half Acre" where Mandy and JD paraded their relationship in our faces. I've said it before and I'll say it again that I firmly believe that if I were to stumble upon Zach out and about at some NYC establishment we would instantly click and I'd be all over the glossy pages of UsWeekly. "Who's that new girl with Zach Braff? Where's Mandy?" Yes kids, IT'S ME!!!
Inevitably, Mandy would call him over and over and leave her favorite message- "I know who you are. Your love's as sweet as candy. I'll be forever yours. Love always, Mandy" And we'd laugh because she is just so corny. Then she could call and sing her "I gotta crush on you..." sap song and we can save it on his phone and play it on speaker when we're drunk eating Kobe beef sliders at Stanton Social. (Yes, I know these are crazy thoughts. It's yet again the effects of Shakira.)
My most recent catalyst for continuing my hatred campaign against Mandy was when I read yesterday that there is talk that she will be starring in "License to Wed" with another love of mine- John Krasinski.
Is there no justice? You already have Dr. Dorian! Now you need to befriend Jim?!?! In a movie about marriage!!! Nooo!!! I hate you, Mandy. If that's even your name...
I am as big a fan of feelin' the conga as the next girl and I am sure after a few Tangueray and Tonics I felt like I could move like I came from Colombia, but Z100 is ruining this song for me. Why, you may ask? What could possibly ruin a song that has an accordion in the background? It's the fact that everyday single day for the past 2 weeks I wake up at 6:10 am and without fail this song is playing. Without fail! Do you know what it's like to wake up to the same song every single day? It really fucks with you. You feel like you never slept. It tears at your essential existence. I don't even know what day it is anymore! I'm so screwed up I've been drinking on school nights, passing up going to the gym to go out, and drinking Mojitos at Latin American restaurants! (Shakira's subliminal messages? Perhaps...)OMG, am I now normal?
So thank you Z100. Thank you for creating my own personal "Groundhog Day." Pretty soon I'm going to start asking people random questions to set up scenarios for the next day. That song "This is a thing called polka..." will become the soundtrack of my life. The real problem will be that I am not really in Punxstawney, PA and things aren't going to be exactly the same tomorrow, and yet I will inevitably wake up to "Shakira, Shakira..." Damn you, Z100!
Speaking of things that are driving me crazy, I now officially hate Mandy Moore.
At first I thought she was just a horribly awkward pop princess who would wither away or go "Britney" on us. No, Mandy, not you. You had to stick around and come up with catchy tunes like "Nothing but pennies in my pocket. Nothing but faith to keep me warm..." which I actually liked!!! Gasp!!! You make sappy movies where you are the President's daughter, or worse yet, you are an ill high schooler who sings in the church choir and everyone is soooo mean to you!!! Wah wah wah. And you successfully went from blond to brown to reddish and everyone still things your just so cute. The fact that you would play my Best Friend Ali in the movie of her life is your only redeeming quality. In the words of Emma M., "I hate you. I hate you. And I really don't like you." This hatred towards you, Mandy, stems from my love of your boyfriend, and my favorite TV doctor, Zach Braff.
As most of you know, Scrubs is my favorite show. I loathed the Scrubs episodes "Her Story II" and "My Half Acre" where Mandy and JD paraded their relationship in our faces. I've said it before and I'll say it again that I firmly believe that if I were to stumble upon Zach out and about at some NYC establishment we would instantly click and I'd be all over the glossy pages of UsWeekly. "Who's that new girl with Zach Braff? Where's Mandy?" Yes kids, IT'S ME!!!
Inevitably, Mandy would call him over and over and leave her favorite message- "I know who you are. Your love's as sweet as candy. I'll be forever yours. Love always, Mandy" And we'd laugh because she is just so corny. Then she could call and sing her "I gotta crush on you..." sap song and we can save it on his phone and play it on speaker when we're drunk eating Kobe beef sliders at Stanton Social. (Yes, I know these are crazy thoughts. It's yet again the effects of Shakira.)
My most recent catalyst for continuing my hatred campaign against Mandy was when I read yesterday that there is talk that she will be starring in "License to Wed" with another love of mine- John Krasinski.
Yum...
Is there no justice? You already have Dr. Dorian! Now you need to befriend Jim?!?! In a movie about marriage!!! Nooo!!! I hate you, Mandy. If that's even your name...
posted by j-digs at 5:35 AM
2 Comments:
Yes, I can't fight my feelings for John Krasinski. And "intimatly", as you write, is spelled "intimately." I guess, if you can't be with the one you love, correct the spelling of the one your with.
I know what you're saying about Z100. But can you blame them? If you woke up to WPLJ they'd have Avril Lasagna playing or what ever new alterna-tot manufactured little brat is hot this week. If you had MTV waking you up, you'd probably here "Don't you?" The only radio station that I've heard of that doesn't do that is JACK but even they have a playlist. My point is, many radio stations suck that's why I listen to CD's instead. I like to control what I hear. The best would be a little of both.
Shakira is my next X-wife. She's incredibly beautiful and incredibly talented. I have to say that I'm NOT totally enthralled with her music though (I probably will be in 3 years though).
"Oh Mandy you gave us all cheese with no bacoooooon, and I sent you awaaaaay." Nevermind this Brit-iot! She's part of the mickey-mouse music brigade who think they can act, sing, dance, create a clothing-line and write a manifesto. Hello J-Lo, Lindsay Lohan, Jessica, Ashley & Britney!!! Just because you have the money to create a little BS culture that revolves around yourself, doesn't mean you're an ARTIST! It just means that you're cute and your parents are rich.
As for the blessed union between Mandy and your crush, Hollywood relationships don't last! There's always someone bigger, richer, prettier, better connected out there. It's a constant trade up, just ask Brad.
At least this is what I used to help deal with Parker Posey dating Ryan Adams. I think she's contaminated now. As far as I'm concerned, she lost some of her Indie-cred when she did that "dancing" Pepsi commercial with Jimmy Fallon.
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